THE ENGLISH LEAGUES TOP 20 UGLY FOOTBALLERS


This list is a celebration of sheer ugliness and to prove the point that not everybody has to be a ‘Beckham’ to make it in the cut-throat world of professional football. It gives ugly people everywhere hope and belief but most of all ……………

It’s because ugly people need heroes too!

20; Gianfranco Zola
Mercurial talent but a strangely lopsided face.

19; Andy O’Brien
The Brucie wannabe only stayed below his former Bolton team-mate Campo on account of the fact that he actually cuts his hair.

18; Ivan Campo
Model looks ……………… for a stone age Neanderthal!

17; Matt Le Tissier
The most gormless looking footballer ever to walk the planet. Even has a touch of the ‘Dowie’s’ about him. Maybe it’s the Southampton air?

16;Joleon Lescott
Everton’s very own Elephant man.

15; Paul Merson
Looking like that is it any wonder he turned to drink.

14; Gordon Astrakhan
Ugly, short, ginger and played for Leeds. That’s 4 reasons for suicide right there.

13; Dirk Kurt
An inspiration to ugly people everywhere. So ugly that he is reported to have been approached by Jimmy Bullard as a look-a-like also doubles as Rocky Dennis

12; Sasa Curcic
The Serbian John Merrick

11; Nobby Stiles
Living proof that even ugly people can be a success unlike his dentist.

10; Martin Keown
A modern day caveman who at best resembles something you’d see in a horror book.

9; Robert Earnshaw
Couldn’t even hide his hideous looks in the city that took Luke Chadwick to heart so eventually left Norwich for Derby where everyone is too busy laughing at the football to notice Earnshaw’s goofy apparel.

8; Steve Ogrizovic
Still playing in 2000 at the age of 42, Steve had an uncanny knack of saving the ball with his face. Allegations that it was a cheaper form of plastic surgery are unfounded.

7; Eric Gates
Probably would have been kinder to drown him at birth.

6; Carlos Tevez
Sometimes there comes along a footballer who is pure genius. Probably compensation from god for being born with looks that even his mother couldn’t love.

5; Peter Beardsley
The only player I know who used to have his fringe matching the slope of his chin!

4; Jimmy Bullard
If Gargoyles were still to be invented I imagine they would make them look just like our Jimmy.

3; Luke Chadwick
The rumours are that ‘Cletus’ was only brought into Old Trafford to hide the fact that the Neville brothers were so ugly. Whilst their careers blossomed away from the media glare, constant reports of Chadwick’s devastating ugliness eventually saw him drop through the leagues and end up at Norwich where he supplements his wages as a look-a-like for a Simpsons character.

2; Iain Dowie
Widely regarded to be the ugliest footballer to walk the planet. Dowie wasn’t so much hit with the ugly stick, more beaten to within an inch of his life by it!

1; Davie Dodds
Dodds is rightly chosen at No.1 for his sheer audacity to play a high profile sport with a face that could curdle cream.